Sunday, January 3, 2010

Don’t bother me with the little stuff. I’m the President

  • Our President doesn’t have a clue when it comes to the whereabouts of Air Force One, but on the other hand, he’s involved in approving every shot the military fires. The following transcript recently surfaced:

    Secret Service: Pardon me, Mr. President, does it matter to you what we do with Air Force One?
    Obama: (Obama lays the phone down). What are you talking about?
    Secret Service: We would like to take it out for a photo-opt.
    Obama: Why are you asking me?
    Secret Service: Well Sir, I thought you would always want to know where Air Force One is at.
    Obama: That’s what you get for thinking. I’m too busy attending to the people’s business to think about small matters like that. I’ve got important business to take care of.
    Secret Service: What is that, Sir?
    Obama: Don’t you realize that I’m the Commander in Chief?
    Secret Service: Yes, Sir.
    Obama: Okay. Then let me do my job.
    Secret Service: What are you working on, Sir?
    Obama: (Obama sighs).This is why I’m President and you’re not. I’m about to take out some Somali Pirates.
    Secret Service: So you don’t care if we take it off the tarmac?
    Obama: Take what off the tarmac?
    Secret Service: Air Force One, Sir.
    Obama: Oh, we’re still talking about that? I’m a delegator, son. Can’t you have a little discretion of your own?
    Secret Service: We just don’t want to do something we’re not supposed to do.
    Obama: Can’t you see that I’m on the phone doing urgent national security business?
    Secret Service: I’m sorry, Sir. I’ll be quick. What about the fuel, Sir?
    Obama: What’s it going to cost?
    Secret Service: Oh, about $320,000.
    Obama: Is that all?
    Secret Service: Sir?
    Obama: I’m just joking. Here, use this CITGO credit card that my friend Hugo Chavez gave me.
    Secret Service: You don’t care where we’re taking Air Force One?
    Obama: No, I trust you. Have fun. Now, leave me alone so I can take care of some very important National Security issues.
    Secret Service: Yes, Sir. (Secret Service leaves the room).
    Obama: (Obama picks up the phone). Sorry about the interruption, son. Do you have a good shot at those Somali Pirates?
    Navy Seal: Yes, Sir. The rough seas have settled down. Should we shoot now?
    Obama: Oh, good grief. No, don’t shoot now.
    Navy Seal: Sir, we may miss our only opportunity.
    Obama: How am I going to look to the American people if this seems to be as simple as a little more than back yard target practice? I am a President who solves catastrophes and impossible situations. I want this to look difficult, son. Do you understand?
    Navy Seal: Yes, Sir.
    Obama: Let’s wait until the seas are rough again. A good shot in high seas is what I want. Then I will be admired the way I should be.
    Navy Seal: Okay sir, the seas are coming up again. Should we shoot?
    Obama: How high are the seas?
    Navy Seal: Eight feet and rising, sir.
    Obama: Do you have a good shot?
    Navy Seal: It’s difficult sir. Just as we get them in our crosshairs, we lose them again.
    Obama: Now that’s what I want. Okay son, take the shot when you can.
    Navy Seal: Yes, Sir. (Shots heard) Sir, we got them all. I don’t know how we did it, but we did.
    Obama: Great, son. Now that’s what I call a rush. It’s really cool being Commander in Chief.
    Navy Seal: What did you say, sir?
    Obama: Never mind, son. Just transfer me to the ship's cook.
    Navy Seal: The cook, sir?
    Obama: Yes, the cook. I’m the President of the people. I want to be involved in every part of everyone's lives.

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